Wet Rocks Are Pretty

Authenticity is Better than Beauty

It occurred to me that I had come upon an analogy that might be fitting to write about.  In my mind I just get these concepts, aka teaching nuggets that might be inspirational to my readers. Before you know it, an idea is flowing like a river and my fingers just type.  Today I looked at a pile of rocks on my desk that I had picked up along the shallows of the lake I live on.  They were so unique in their composition, coloring, lines and shapes when I found them.  I’m often captured by the hunt for beautiful and unique rocks.  These rocks specifically, were found IN the water.  Being wet made them pop.  It was the pop that attracted my attention to them.

Would I have ever found them without them standing out?

As the rocks sit on my desk, dry, they have clearly lost their luster.  Only one sparks my interest at this point.  It still has beautiful white crystals embedded somehow.  The others, well, you’ll have to give them a lick which does the trick to unveil the beauty behind the dry presence. I remember licking so many rocks in my hunts for agates along the Lake Superior Shores in MN.  And of course, after a lick and liking what you see you can throw them in a rock polisher or even paint some hodgepodge all over them to shine them up which I’ve done as well.

As I think about these rocks, I notice my conditioned value system.  Wet, pretty, shiny, colorful, and unique make them much more appealing than dry.  Putting myself in that place, seeing me after I first wake up in the morning, messy hair, no make-up, teeth not brushed yet or face washed, definitely think I am less presentable than cleaned up.  And being all dolled up, shiny lips, a little mascara, and some bronzer on my freckled filled cheeks after brushing my hair and teeth is like being a polished rock. My mom raised me to be polished. If I wasn’t wearing lipstick she said, “You look too pale. Go put some lipstick on.” even if I was in my sweats gardening.

Can anyone relate?

Recently I worked with a client whose long-term boyfriend decided to ditch her for another woman.  My client, who I just love for numerous reasons, is so beautiful in her natural state.  She comes in with leggings and a casual top, a head band, no make-up, and just glows. She has a beautiful smile, eyes, figure, and skin.  Because she did not POP; he seemed to have desired such an image from her as he complained about her not getting dolled up each day, he went elsewhere.  As a result, she felt ugly, unattractive, and not good enough to be desirable to another man.  Thankfully now, she knows what a bad relationship it was and is so much more confident and able to create more of the life aligned with her soul.

When I was in college, my sweetheart who I dated for 8 years once told me that I had a beautiful face, too bad that I didn’t have a body to match.  It traumatized me, and I clearly remember it with a heavy heart to this day.

During our time together I was in a few beauty pageants.  I won one, in another I won the Miss Congeniality Award, a scholarship and huge trophy. Yet he compared me to his polished sister who was a New York Model.  Yes she was gorgeous, tall, blonde, perfect teeth and slender.  I was more of a short full figure brunette with an overbite.  And truthfully, when I did my best to POP, it obviously was not enough in the end.  Just like a rock that you polish and throw on a shelf, it is seldom seen.  Silly to feel sad for rocks, but I do.

We as humans however, have a choice.  We can be happy dry, wet, and vary our preference depending on the day or event.  Yet if truth be told, we as women especially, suffer prejudices depending on the career path we choose based on looks.

Women who advance most at work, studies agree, are more attractive, thinner, taller and have a more youthful appearance than their female colleagues who are promoted less often.

A landmark study from Cornell University found that when white females put on an additional 64 pounds, her wages drop 9%.

Have you ever noticed how when a man ages with gray hair they say he looks debonair, yet a woman with gray hair is old?  Stigma is real.  Yet here’s the beauty in my experience with being an aging woman.  I really don’t give a shit anymore!

You see, it’s not that I don’t care about how I look, I do, for ME.  I want to feel good, feel healthy, feel groomed and hygienically clean.  A few pounds might have found me since the pandemic.  My hair is graying and a few more wrinkles have artfully graced my face.  Regardless, I feel so much better within myself.  I’ve earned my creditability, worked hard all my life in a career and can support myself. I am confident in the skin I’m in and do my best to love life and myself as I age.

Oh, trust me, I have my days, waking up and looking in the mirror with fright thinking “OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?!”  It’s usually when I’m a bit worn out, still working, being a caretaker for an elderly father. And when playing with my 2-year-old grandson and 5-year-old granddaughter, jumping on the trampoline at 64 years old, clearly it is a bit different than when I was doing it with my daughter 33 years ago.

So, my message, pointedly to the women of the world, yet I’m sure men can relate as well, know that you are NOT A ROCK to be put on a shelf, to be licked, or polished, or painted with glue by anyone but yourself.  Be true to you.  And if by chance someone does not accept you, or judges you, or even dumps you, count it a blessing. You’ve been set free. Because life is to damn short to live in place where you’re not seen, valued and appreciated for who you are beautiful soul!


Be a Blessing, Be Blessed, Be Well,

Lori Bestler