Prove Them Wrong

Life is full of typical traps that torment, traumatize, and take you deeper and deeper into your mind’s abyss where disillusionment, doubt and dissatisfaction dwell.  In this bottomless pit of dark despair it is difficult to see reality because you’re NOT looking through the eyes of potential and promise. For the big dreamers, those individuals with a passion to achieve a vision that few or no one else can seem to comprehend, know that YOU MUST STOP SEEKING APPROVAL. Determine now that you WILL NOT be defeated by what other people say about you, you will not be defeated by what other people say about your ideas, your work, your dreams.  Realize RIGHT NOW that you are never defeated by what other people say about you; you’re only defeated by what YOU say about YOU.  And by working on what you are saying about you, what YOU think about YOU is the first step to being whatever you want.

Recently I became aware of three situations that very talented women experienced that temporarily took their life away from them in the sense that it wounded their self-belief.  Even though these women had already been shown they had exceptional talent, someone came along and made a comment that crushed their spirit, make them doubt their ability, and truly stunted their growth…FOR YEARS.  I am going to share these stories so that if you too have a BIG DREAM, you are very aware of this enemy that lurks in the unawares.  BE warned that when the BEASTS attacks are perceived as truth, these snide comments and criticisms gain power.  This disapproval can quickly create havoc in your psyche.  These attacks can threaten your confidence in your beliefs and rip apart your soul, squash your spirit, and steal your peace of mind and joy.  Thoughts are merely thoughts, however if you are not guarded and wise to the inner workings of how other people’s words, tone of voice when spoken and their perceived power over you affect you and trap you, you can be an innocent victim who suffers for years.

Read on and learn more about why, when this seemingly trustworthy BEAST attacks, you must quickly identify and ignore the imaginary danger.

Begin today to be aware of this tormentor ruling the mind’s abyss, this “essence” not a person, is an inner program created long before the individual even had an opportunity to understand it was happening. Thoughts are just that, thoughts, that create programs in each one of us and they repeat from generation to generation.  Begin today to stop the useless programming from continuing to destroy your dreams.  Start today to move past those dream devourers and press in even more determined than ever to be the dream achiever that exists in you!

Remember it is not the people who are the problem, it’s the programming.  And the sooner you realize that, the faster you can stop being afraid of people, afraid of what they will say, think or do.  What matters is who you are, what you want, and what you’re going to do to live the life you desire most.

An Old Pair of Shoes

Silly isn’t it, or maybe even insane to think that a 70 year old woman could realize her dream of starting a new career at this age? How many women really do that?  That is what my client said when she came to see me.  What we discovered was that it was a childhood memory that halted her confidence and prevented her from really going after her dream. Here is her story…

A spirited little girl of 9 in a bright pink shirt and significantly worn out and dirty white tennis shoes , stood confidently before the judges as she presented her 4H project.  Preparing for months she was ready and ever so proud that her wardrobe seemed to be perfectly put together from what was available on a meager budget.  Linda excitedly waited for the moment that the ribbons would be awarded.  All her hard work had come to completion and she was truly proud of all she had achieved.  She was hopeful about the chance to win first place and felt the possibility was very high. As she looked around at the competitors and their submissions, she felt inner pride for what she accomplished.  “I have the created the best presentation by far,” she thought. 

Now Linda was far from a spoiled and overly confident kid.  She was kind, extremely hard working and conscientious about what she did and how that affected others. She learned that from her hard working parents and living on a farm that had enough to get by yet still was struggling. She was poor, yet didn’t really know it.  So when Linda felt confident and proud about her work it was honorably earned.

The contest was over that the ribbons handed out and Linda took 2nd place.  She was crushed.  She did not understand.  Afterward the judge came up to her and said that the reason she did not win was because of her motley tennis shoes.  She did not present herself in proper attire to be awarded number one even though her project entry was definitely worthy of the prize.

One day I met Linda at an Expo where I had a booth and we did a session right there.  I uncovered her story.  Throughout the years Linda worked even harder to prove herself, to prove she was not poor.  I asked her to share with me the moment she knew she arrived past that point of feeling poor.  She remembered wearing this jazzy pair of red shoes and sitting in her new convertible.  I imagined Linda as having an excess of shoes now that she is accomplished and asked her if that was true.  The answer was “OH YES!” Yet that wounded little girl still existed.  In the weeks that followed I continued to help her re-frame her thinking, see her life and setbacks differently and in a motivating versus paralyzing way, and helped her develop a business she always dreamed of.

You Can’t Draw

Two people I deeply admire and love had a different story than Linda’s.  They were talented artists.  However someone in their life squashed their belief in their gift.  Here are their stories…

A chiropractor friend of mine showed me a picture she drew of her sister and her baby.  She drew it in pencil and it was amazingly real life.  It was so beautiful.  I asked her how long it took her and she said, “3 hours.”  I was shocked!  I asked her if she ever wanted to go to college to be an artist and she said that when she was younger her mother criticized her work.  She seriously never thought she was good. Years later she seen someone draw something and decided to sketch it herself as well.  She seen how she did in comparison, and even though she knew she was good, something inside did not allow the reality to unleash itself.  She knew she could do better, yet something inside resisted and held her back her from being better.  Every drawing she does today, every criticism she hears, throws her back to the past, disbelieving in her talent even when so many people have confirmed it. This woman is multitalented in so many ways, and a woman of high intelligence.  Yet the broken spirit of the inner self worth limited her from fully expressing all that she could do and be.

One day my daughter came home from her college class so proud and bursting at the seams.  A group of outsiders came in to view the artwork of the students to decide which works should be displayed in the show for a competition.  My daughter drew a beautiful picture of Magnolia’s. She was very proud of the picture however her teacher said that it was worth only a “C”.  Yet the outsiders felt it was superb and likened to a famous painter named Georgia O’Keeffe.  This really boosted her confidence.  Then at the show she won an honorable mention ribbon.  This was a superb example of how different people view things from different perceptions and preferences.  She understood very quickly to not let one person rain on your parade.  What a great lesson to learn at a young age.

This is an excellent Youtube video to watch about proving others wrong. Go Here>>>

Who Let You In?

The last story I am going to share is about me;  About how years of insecurity, seemingly put at bay, could resurrect its nasty head by one person and what it took to get back on track being the confident, determined, and driven dream achiever that I am today in spite of others opinions.

Without getting into my life’s story and past history of adversity overcome, I’ll just jump into the fast forward moment.  A couple weeks ago an organization I once was briefly connected to over 37 years ago called me and invited me to be a part of the 50 Year Anniversary Celebration of the St. Patrick’s Day Association.  You see, 37 years ago I came home from work, still living with my parents at age 20, my mom brought me into my bedroom and threw a dress on the bed and said, “I signed you up for the Miss Shamrock Pageant for the St Paul St Patrick’s Day Celebration’s.  You only have 15 minutes to get dressed so we can make it to your interview on time. I refuse to take no for an answer.

Again fast forward, I WON!

Miss Shamrock 1979!

I did not do much with the association after that claim to fame because I am an introvert, and I was never the one dreaming about being a person with a crown on my head, it was my mother’s dream.

Now here I am back in the saddle again for two reasons.

1.  This was my mom’s dream, she is getting older, and I wanted to her to feel good one more time about the whole thing, be proud, and have fun.

2.  The association was working very hard to gather the last 50 years of dignitaries, of which Miss Shamrocks are a part of that, to make this a huge deal and big success.  I wanted to help them make that happen.

Fortunately for me at the Wearin’ of the Green Dinner I connected to a wonderful woman named Pat Oxley.  I had an instant liking to her.  When the time came to prepare for the parade I became a wee bit anxious.  I did not feel real comfortable being in the throes of high energy extraverts having crazy fun much less having to figure out where to park, walk blocks by myself to the parade site, and mix and mingle with people I barely knew.  Most people are clueless that I am an introvert and how much this sort of thing stresses me out.  I do not show it, however it is definitely there.  So I shoot Pat off an email and ask if she would be interested in hooking up with me and do all this together.  She too is an introvert; her sister’s signed her up for the contest, and was thrilled at the suggestion.  God is good!

Here is where I am going with all of this.  After the parade, Pat and I had warmed up to all the commotion.  We started having a lot of fun and thus got invited to events afterward that we were initially going to pass on.  We relented our resignations, and decided to jump in and join the fun.  We went to an establishment of a family friend of hers. We entered a big white tent outside where they were serving food, beer, and had music playing.  There were All sorts of crazies wearing green, people chatting, reuniting and getting reacquainted after many years; Pat doing that mostly as she knew many people, and me observing. 

Then a man, whom I do not remember his name, and possibly psychologically I didn’t want to, introduced himself.  He started quizzing me and asking me questions like, “What year were you Miss Shamrock?, Where did you grow up?  And the last and most defining question of all…Where did you go to school?”  I told him without any emotion or even considering the motive of his conversation other than it being general questions for building rapport.  When I finished the last question what he said next, without warning, crushed me.  It made me feel inadequate, wonder why I was even there with “those” people, and feel incredibly out of place. I wanted to leave…immediately!!!  He said, “Well WHO let you in then?!”  In other words, in his eyes I did not go to the most prestigious private schools as many of the Association dignitaries did.  I was one of the low life people who went to a public school. 

Fortunately for me I am a mind coach and I easily could assess where this man’s “programming” came from and knew he was either very arrogant, narcissist, or ignorant. Older and wiser, I now know that people like that often have a wounded ego hidden under all that guise of superiority.  I know that prestigious schools are not the only place amazingly talented people arise from.  I also know that many people homeless, poor, underprivileged have a tenacity that the rich do not have and achieve dreams they could not even comprehend. 

It takes a lot of work to pull your emotionally injured self beyond the wounds that other people inflict.  It is very difficult to ignore the comments when you’re a very sensitive person, I KNOW.  However it is critical that we learn the tools to move beyond the ignorance, the opinions, and the painful feelings. Only then can we be all that we truly want to be.

Again, as I said in the beginning of this article, determine now that you WILL NOT be defeated by what other people say about you, you will not be defeated by what other people say about your ideas, your work, your dreams.  Realize RIGHT NOW that you are never defeated by what other people say about you; you’re only defeated by what YOU say about you.  And by working on what you are saying about you and what you think about you, is the first step to being whatever you want.

BE AMAZING!  You’re worth it!

About the Author

Lori Bestler; Mind Mastery Expert and Personal Development Guru, is a Strategic Mind Coach, Award Winning Motivational Speaker, and founder and owner of the MindScapes Unlimited Mind Coaching Center.

Lori has helped to transform thousands of individual’s lives through her Strategic Mind System of Success, Rapid Results Coaching Program and Mind Power Audios, and Speaking engagements. She specializes in working with high level entrepreneurs and independent business professionals with busy minds. Lori helps clients overcome barriers in thought patterns, limiting beliefs and behavior resulting in improving their business, relationships, health and state of well-being.  Ms. Bestler runs a private coaching and hypnotherapy practice in Lino Lakes MN, assisting clients in the Minneapolis, St. Paul and surrounding Twin Cities Metropolitan Areas, as well as all over the U.S