The Bully in Your Brain

Take some time to really think about this reality.

The main problem with people who don’t get started on making their dream a reality is that they are scared–afraid of failure, afraid of disappointing themselves and others, afraid of getting bored and leaving an unfinished project behind, and afraid of the rejection that comes from within as the inner critique bullies them, judging themselves as worthless because another dream has died. People are afraid of falling into the valley of despair, when they stop caring, which has happened before.  And last but far from least, they are afraid of experiencing more insecurity as the recurring problems lead a person to doubt their decisions and question their abilities after so many flops, fiascos, and letdowns. This is predominate in people with busy brains.  Their racing minds, high sensory characteristics, and stronger than most connection to emotions and feelings, escalates these problematic areas.  Yet I’ve learned that people are far more talented than they realize, have tremendous potential, and are only limited from realizing what they deeply desire by their mind.  Once they KNOW how to master their mind and emotions, it’s amazing what they can accomplish!

Get this…

True failure never happens!

People either transfer the knowledge gained on achieving one dream to another or decide to stick it out and see it through. Either way, the journey in life will continue to offer experiences that will expand your reality.

 Imagine a world where…

  • you quit beating yourself up
  • there is no right or wrong
  • life is just a bunch of different choices that enable you to expand your awareness to evolve
  • no matter what you choose you realize that those choices better prepared you for the future

And get this…

The only reason why you think you need to keep thinking about your problem is because you plan on experiencing the problem again. When you try to figure out why you are struggling, then you are planning on struggling again.

Planning so that you will be more prepared for the problem next time, is a problem.  Planning can never guarantee a problem will not occur, can it?  Have you ever created a plan for overcoming or preventing a problem and the problem still happened?  Of course!  So if we plan and we prepare for preventing problems, we can never really feel satisfied that the problem will never happen, can we?

And what is the problem with creating a plan to be prepared for a reoccurring problem? It focuses on the problem, which creates stronger problematic feelings. Strong uncomfortable feelings often produce bigger problems.  If the law of the universe is that you get what you focus on most, then focusing on problems attracts more problems.  The problem is not because of what you’re thinking about, the problem is the feeling you feel by focusing on the problem.

And keep in mind that scientific studies reveal that the average person has 50 to 60 thousand thoughts a day. And if you think you can control that, good luck.  There’s absolutely no way. 

This pattern is called a mindset trap.

Mindset traps are beliefs that you defend, yet they lead you in a destructive or unpleasant direction.  These beliefs can be painful, unnerving, distressing and difficult to change.  Even though you know you feel ill at ease with this belief, you still hold onto it.  Ultimately what happens is that you have a tremendous buildup of inner turmoil.  You feel terrible.

What do you do?  Do you change your belief, just think differently?  Good luck!  It is possible, yet it takes quite some time to reframe all the thinking patterns that have shaped a given belief.  This is a great idea, actually a necessity, to work thought shifting for personal or professional growth.  However, what do you do in the moment, right now, when you feel awful?

Situations happen all the time that are shocking, frightful, create horrible nightmares, and cause us to dread certain tasks, or avoid certain people.  Life has a way of throwing situations at us that are extremely troubling to our psyche and intensify the discomfort in our physiology.  Over time this pattern can lead to severe emotional duress and excessive panic.  Again, I ask you, what do you do in the moment, right now, when you feel awful?  For most people, nothing!  And that’s dangerous.

What are some of the things that people typically do when they’re not letting go of uncomfortable feelings? 

  • They disconnect, avoid, and become empty and isolated.   
  • They suppress emotions, pretending everything is good when they feel terrible.
  • They get stuck in the comparison trap; take mental notes of everything that is wrong, get sucked into the “Not ___ Enough” syndrom; not good enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not lovable enough…
  • They play the thoughts over and over and over again in their head.
  • They self-medicate use drugs, alcohol, food, sex, exercise, television, are addicted to the computer, social media, anything to get their self away from paying attention to their emotions.
  • They project, put problem on other people’s shoulders; say it’s their fault or say it’s everyone else’s fault.
  • They get angry and people are getting angrier and angrier these days just watch the news.
  • They get sick, their body begins to break down, diseases occur and mental illness can result.
  • They procrastinate, put important tasks off until the last minute, they rush and they become stressed out.
  •  And they judge.  And then when they judge, they judge the fact that they’re being judgmental. And because they’re judging their judge mentalism, they feel guilt. And this increasing emotional shaming about being judgmental, causes a person to feel terrible. 
  • They then feel out of control, not being able to control their thoughts and behavior.

This emotional bullying goes on and on and on as they continually slap, slap, slap, their self with more guilt and shame as they’re judging. And that’s not a very comfortable way to live your life.

Have you ever heard the saying, “I got up on the wrong side of the bed and it ruined my entire day.”?  Often after this thought, the rest of the day ends up being just one bad situation after another, and the problem is not because of the thought.  The reason the day continues to be problematic, of course, is because this means that the feeling continued the rest of the day. 

Then what can we do when we are so habitual at focusing on avoiding problems?  Focus on the emotions!   When you think about it, letting go of uncomfortable emotions is not what we typically do.  We’re typically doing anything but that.

Now keep in mind the most effective solution to overcome feeling badly is not thinking positive, it is actually generating positive feelings.  Certainly positive thinking can generate positive feelings, yet thinking positive does not necessarily release pent up negative feelings.

Some people are stuck on a certain feeling for 20 years and that negative feeling is a filter that they see life through.  Their thinking patterns shape the feeling and that creates the reality that they see.

In the now, when you have a feeling, the feeling creates a conscious thought. So maybe you can notice how when you change how you feel in any given moment, it is natural for the conscious thoughts to change automatically. This will generate more positive outcomes and you don’t have to work at that.

Our thinking is robbing our experiences of living a lot of aliveness. We’re over analyzing and judging every misalignment, every unmet expectation, and every assumption of the future based on the past, and that prevents us from enjoying life.

So at Mindscapes Unlimited Mind Coaching Center, we teach a technique in our Rapid Results Mind Coaching program that helps people clear the effects of negative emotions that are pent up in the body. 

This technique is not denial of problems or pretense. When you learn this clearing technique you’re able to deal with what is and fully embrace every moment. You then can do much more; you are more effective in every area of life. 

  •  You will find a greater effectiveness in daily activities.
  •  You will notice a lot more love towards yourself and everyone else.
  •  You will have a more positive attitude where healthy changes start happening naturally. 
  •  You will notice how you then stop procrastinating and complete things more often.
  •  You’ll stay on task instead of running away.
  •  You’ll notice problematic situations drop away.
  •  You’ll have a lot more new beginnings and joy.

As you clear, you can let go of emotions, attachments and expectations, you move away from apathy grief, unhappiness, dread, heaviness, feeling closed, contracted, and unproductive, 

When you clear, you don’t give up any of the good stuff you just get more and more of it as you let go. Now that’s living!


Lori Bestler is a nationally recognized Mind EmPowerment Coach, Award Winning Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer, and Self Help Recording Artist with MindScapes Unlimited.

Lori has helped to transform thousands of men and women’s lives through her Strategic Mind System of Success, Rapid Results Coaching Program and Audios, Retreats, Seminars and Speaking engagements. She specializes in working with high level entrepreneurs and independent business professionals with busy minds as well as empathic and high sensory individuals. Lori helps clients overcome barriers in thought patterns, limiting beliefs and behavior which can lead to issues such as stress, anxiety, negative thinking, and weight problems, lack of focus and follow-through, and procrastination.  Clients experience results in areas such as financial success, improved relationships, confidence, high self-esteem, stress reduction, behavior change, better health, and greater fulfillment in life.  Ms. Bestler runs a private coaching and hypnotherapy practice in Anoka, MN, assisting clients in the Minneapolis, St. Paul and surrounding Twin Cities Metropolitan Areas, as well as all over the U.S.